Sunday, December 16, 2007

"What happened to all the Nice Guys"

Last post had a section on Nice Rebuttals and alluded to the Nice Guy Syndrome and while I was scuba diving in the vast ocean of intra web I came up with this lil GOLD nugget. The views presented here are not mine but I do find myself nodding to them albeit with a lil smirk and "take that" feeling thrown in. So here it is:

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't fucking want you, now.


A Recovering Nice Guy

PS: I am listening to YMCA right now and trying to make the alphabets which should give you a hint as to why I am not in writing mood today. YMCA.....

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

NOTHING 9 : Randomness

Well if you are expecting a cleverly crafted tale of humor with embellishments of Sarcasm and the wierdosity that is me, then my friend you have come to the wrong place 'coz we never serve that connotation at this place.

Getting Married: (to her Fiance) Go home, take two slices on bread, make omelet , eat it and then go to sleep , get up tomorrow at 6:00 AM, take a morning walk......(you get the idea right !)

Me: Why don't you open up your laptop and make him a Daily Plan using Microsoft Project, you can use the Gannt Chart view which would be so much more easier for him.

Getting Married: The Pandit Ji is giving me headaches with his ever expanding and completely abstruse list of Puja Samagri.

Me: Why don't you make an excel sheet and email it over to your Pandit Ji and ask him to edit it in Track Change mode it will make life a lot easier for you and for him.

Moving on to uncharted territories we shall hypothesize on the subject of being "Nice" (and no I am not going to give out lectures on How to avoid the nice guy routine here!).

We will discuss how you can turn the tables with your "Nice" rebuttal. For e.g.

1. Hey that's a nice dress you got there (Should never ever be confused with cute/sexy dress). What this actually means is that I for once would be a Chauvinist and not comment on the eye jarring color that you are wearing.

2. Oh thats so nice of you! What this one means is whatever you did it doesn't matter much but You did something that lies somewhere between me sending you a Thankyou note or ignoring you

3. Nice !This I use when I am at loss of words to explain the phenomenon in question

So what I want to say is that the "Nice" rebuttal comes in all shapes and sizes and these are my two cents to the "Nice" scheme that many of us run. Please feel free to add to the list.

Thus endeth the Lesson

Monday, December 10, 2007

They say it's so me !

PS: All you peeps add the Honesty Box Application on Facebook, if nothing else you could spam your friends all you wanted

Sunday, November 04, 2007

[ Untitled ]

It was the sixth time I had watched Notting Hill and though hang on this is a nice idea for a post after all I am your regular sarcastic and hopelessly romantic chump. So here is the post where I list some of the scenes from the movie with comments from yours truly and I do this at the danger of being called the guy who wouldn’t let you watch the movie with his galling comments but such are the travails associated with being a blog writer:P.

Scene 1

William - Would you like something to eat? Something to nibble? Apricots, soaked in honey? Quite why, no one knows, because it stops them tasting like apricots and makes them taste like honey... and if you wanted honey, you could just... buy honey. Instead of apricots. But nevertheless they're yours if you want them.

I would say that was rather funny than say

The Guy at Barista – What coffee would you like sir?

Me – Ahh hmmm (Looks at the menu for what seems like an eternity), how about that one over there second row fourth column just below the espresso.

The Guy at Barista – Sir that’s a black coffee, are you sure about it?

Me – Oh no no I would like a cappuccino than.

The Guy at Barista – Very well sir, do you mind Sir, the Lady [1] here has been staring at you for a rather long time.

Me - What Lady?

The Lady - You know I have been standing here and watching you order a coffee for like 8 mins now.

Me – It’s been that long.

The Lady – Yeah!

Me – Smiles like Hugh Grant and shrugs.

Scene 2

William – The film’s great, I was just wondering whether you ever thought of having more horses in it?

Anna – Well, we would have liked to but it was difficult, obviously being set in space.

William – Space right yeah obviously very difficult.

(Interruption by her manager on talking about Anna’s next movie)

William – Any horses in that one or hounds for that matter, our readers are intrigued equally by both species.

Anna – It takes place on a Submarine.

No comments there I have never been hustled into interviewing a celebrity (just don’t see it happening), but what I do have for you is a totally awkward situation.

Her – Do you have a girlfriend?

Me - No.

Me - Do you have a boyfriend.

Her – No.

Me – Ever had one? (Of course you daft headed prick, just look at her does she look like she wouldn’t have had a boyfriend, (God you are such a kid))

Her – Yea, I think I have told you about my ex

(Then she goes on about how they broke up and are still in touch blah blah blah)

Me – So you guys are on a break right now?

Her – Yeah, it’s more like a permanent kind of thing.

Me – Oh so this is like a irremovable discontinuity in you love graph. (Seriously what is wrong with you!)

Her – A what?

(A lecture on high school mathematics follows)

I wouldn’t go further coz it would involve some more mathematics and readers had complained about headaches in the previous post. (Alright I would have, I don’t give balls to your headache but it’s just too nerdy)

Scene 3

It’s the Whoopsidaisies! Scene (go watch the movie if you haven’t seen it yet), it’s one of them classic scenes and my comments on this one are:

“Where in Delhi is such a Garden where you could just walk with your date without looking like a Hobo couple”

PS: Dear HCE there might be some punctuation mistakes here and there, please forgive. I didn't get it edited coz you were(are) having exams.

PPS: I am headed towards the same Barista again, hopefully this time I shall be able to decide my coffee a lil faster

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

You Know Just Another Mathematical Proof !

Credits : Someone out there.

Suppose that you can go out with some number of guys, n. Assume that after going out with any number r (1 ≤ rn) of the men, you can rank them from most preferable (rank 1) to least preferable (rank r). At any stage, you can either stop and commit to one man, or go on to the next one. Further, assume that once a guy is rejected you can never go back.

For i = 1, …, n, let U(i) be the utility of selecting the guy with rank i among all n guys. We shall assume that U(1) ≥ U(2) ≥ … ≥ U(n). Let the random variable X denote the rank of the man that is selected. The goal is to find a rule with maximizes E(U(X)).

For a = 1, …, r and r = 1, …, n, let U*(a,r) denote the expected utility of the optimal continuation when r guys have been inspected and the rth guy has been found to have a rank a among the r. Also, let U0(a,r) denote the expected utility if the rth man is selected, and dating is terminated. Since we fixed an n,

U*(a,n) = U0(a,n) = U(a)
Now consider the probability than a man with rank a among the first r actually has rank b among all n men:
( b – 1 ) × ( nb ) / (

n )
a – 1 ra

The rank b must lie between the bounds ab ≤ (nr + a). Therefore,

U0(a,r) = U(b) ( b – 1 ) × ( nb ) / ( n )
a – 1 ra r

Clearly, after inspecting r guys, the expected utility of inspecting one more and continuing optimally is

1/(r+1) × U*(b, r+1)

Call this expression Z. From this, we can see that U*(a,r) = max(U0(a,r),Z). The optimal procedure is to continue if U*(a,r) > U0(a,r), and to commit when U*(a,r) = U0(a,r)

Now, consider the choice of utility function. Assume a spherical cow. Also, assume that U(1) = 1, and U(b) = 0 for b = 2, …, n. Then U0(1,r) = r/n, and U0(a,r) = 0 a = 2, …, r. Note that this is a fair approximation for the case of a soulmate. Then U*(1,r) = r/n, and should be continued if U*(1,r) > r/n.

It then follows that the optimal procedure is to go out with 1/e of the guys, and then select the first one thereafter which has rank 1.

Now, if n isn’t fixed, utility can be maximized by maximizing n. I’m a guy. QED.

An alternate proof can be constructed by assuming we’re both Bayesian reasoners, that disagreements about priors are irrational, and that my priors are rational. The proof is left as an exercise to the reader.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

NOTHING 8: Of Buses, Dogs and the Universe!

Ahh my groupies it’s that time of the year when you squeal with joy and basically have a good belly laugh, it is NOTHING time and as promised the brew is a quirky mix of Nerd meets Standup Comedian.

Anyways without me vexing eloquent and straining my unexercised Literary muscles it is time to introduce two new characters, now some of you would be thinking that the cast has been changing very erratically like them shows on Zee and Star Plus let me assure you that I am not pulling a Ekta K (K)apoor on you poor glued to your computer screen souls, in fact I am thinking of an episode where all the characters Party, so there.

Our first new character is none other than Comet the Cosmo Dog (No reference to that motivational magazine that is extensively used at IITs) and the Bus Girl here are a few quick snatches of our conversation:


Comet the Cosmo Dog: Ooh, man - you scared the crap out of me. See? There it is.

Me: But I was just trying to make you wear a sweater, you know winters are coming

Comet the Cosmo Dog: You want me to wear a sweater, why don’t you try wearing a tail for a while!

Me: Dude first you get up every day 10 min before me and behave like an Alarm gone wild with no snooze button and then this, How Rude !

Comet the Cosmo Dog: Do you know I am getting fat?

Me: Yea so!

Comet the Cosmo Dog: Genius what that means is that you aren’t getting enough exercise.

Me: What!

Comet the Cosmo Dog: On another note did you know that there is now a Facebook application especially for Pet Dogs, and you haven’t made me a profile till now!

Me: What, how, when and how exactly do you know about it!

Comet the Cosmo Dog: Do you think I am just lying there while you are busy playing your Poke wars with Ami buahahahaha !


Bus Girl: Do you like animals?

Me: Yes in fact I have a pet dog name Comet.

Bus Girl: Do you remember the meeting that you had missed!

Me: err yeah!

Bus Girl: Do you know what that means.

Me: That I was really engrossed in my work and missed a meeting and am very sorry about that.

Bus Girl: Yes but it also means that you are insensitive, rude...[1], mean…. [2], careless….. [3], also do you remember the first words that came out of yer mouth when you talked to me?

Me: How in my living memories can I forget that Faux Pas! (In my defense you are too hot to be flicking those lustrous hairs and staring so pensively at the traffic)

Bus Girl: It means that you are very abrupt…[4]

Me: Why don’t you tell me something good about me, I haven’t had a good day.

Bus Girl: Ummm Ahhh errrrr heeh ( No she isn’t pulling a Meg Ryan on me(You know the one in Harry met Sally( Brackets within brackets (Sue Me!))))

Me: 8 bit Processor

[1] Look into my eyes !

[2] Look into my eyes !

[3] Say nice things about me please.

[4] Shit I can't hypnotize to save my life :(.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

The 6 Songs Post !

Its been what almost 3 years since I started writing here and I thought 3 years is enough of a time for you to atleast know my 6 fav songs ( Hopelessly self absorbed I know hehe), anyways by knowing these songs you will get to know me The BlogOwner a wee bit more. Enjoy the Show

Song no  1 -- I got a feeling -- cover version by Mongolian Chop Squad

I heard this song in my fourth year of college, it was a rather tumultuous time in my campus life and this song made it a lil easier and kinda gave a rather sublime look to my feelings. Do hear it once and watch out for the slow introduction of instruments one after the other.

Song No 2 -- My World -- Avril Lavigne

It was the summer of 2002 that I came upon Avril Lavigne and her brand of music and incidentally hers was the first album I ever bought ( Yes I see you accusing me of Piracy btw how many movies do you have on your portable hard disk right now ), as it would turn out that I would listen to this album day in day out till my Walkman would give up on me. This song really lets you free and enjoy your surroundings without worrying about the next class or the fast approaching mid terms.

Song No 3 -- Subterranean Homesick Blues -- Bob Dylan

This song to me is one of the fines examples of poetry laced music that is so Dylanish ( I think I invented a word there). The song is kind of an advice to a young man who has just joined the Adult Club and is my fav Office time song. The opening lines " Johny's in the basement mixing up the medicine I am on the pavement thinking bout the Government " are kinda very apt for my work profile :).

Song No 4 -- Hallelujah -- Jeff Buckley

I heard this song while watching Season 1 of THE OC and since then it has been always associated with the feelings of Longings and Love.  

"Baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor, (You know)
I used to live alone before I knew ya
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
and love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah"

Song No 5 -- Little by Little -- Oasis

There's a rather funny story behind this one, as it turns out I have sung this song on AIR yes you heard it right on an FM station , now next time you meet me you can call me Mr. Awesome lol.

Song No 6 -- Lonely Planet Theme

Well this one is not even a song and I heard it what may be 6 may be 7 years ago on The Discovery Channel on a show called Lonely Planet and since then it plays in my head when ever I go out on a vacation and listening to it makes me remember all the trips that I have gone on and the experiences I have had there.

So guys that sums up my 6 Song Post, I know some of you must have expected to read a NOTHING specially considering the amount of time I have taken off from the Blog, to them I would just like to say that NOTHING 8 and 9 are brewing just wait and keep checking in.

The Blog Owner orders you to have a fun in the week ahead !

Monday, July 16, 2007

Gurgaon Traffic woes !


Friday, July 06, 2007


CREDITS: Someone out there

All in all, it hadn't been a good day. Bad traffic, a malfunctioning computer, incompetent coworkers and a sore back all made me a seething cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over forty-eight hours since I'd last taken a dump. I'd tried to jumpstart the process, beginning my day with a bowl of bowel-cleansing fiber cereal, following it with six cups of coffee at work, and adding a bean-laden lunch at Taco Bell. As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that Big Things would be happening soon. Alas, I had to stop at the mall to pick up an order. I completed this task, and as I was walking past the stores on my way back to the car, I noticed a large sale sign proclaiming, "Everything Must Go!" This was prophetic, for my colon informed me with a sudden violent cramp and a wet, squeaky fart that everything was indeed about to go. I hurried to the mall bathroom. I surveyed the five stalls, which I have numbered 0 through 4 (I write a lot of software) for your convenience:


1.Clean, but Bathroom Protocol forbids its use, as it's next to the occupied one.

2.Poo on seat.

3.Poo and toilet paper in bowl, unidentifiable liquid splattered on seat.

4.No toilet paper, no stall door, unidentifiable sticky object near base of toilet.

Clearly, it had to be Stall #1. I trudged back, entered, dropped through and sat down. I'm normally a fairly Shameful Shitter. I wasn't happy about being next to the occupied stall, but Big Things were afoot.

I was just getting ready to bear down when all of a sudden the sweet sounds of Beethoven came from next door, followed by a fumbling, and then the sound of a voice answering the ringing phone. As usual for a cell phone conversation, the voice was exactly 8 dB louder than it needed to be. Out of Shameful habit, my sphincter slammed shut. The inane conversation went on and on. Mr. Shitter was blathering to Mrs. Shitter about the shitty day he had. I sat there, cramping and miserable, waiting for him to finish. As the loud conversation dragged on, I became angrier and angrier, thinking that I, too, had a crappy day, but I was too polite to yak about in public. My bowels let me know in no uncertain terms that if I didn't get crapping soon, my day would be getting even crappier.

Finally my anger reached a point that overcame Shamefulness. I no longer cared. I gripped the toilet paper holder in one hand, braced my other hand against the side of the stall, and pushed with all my might. I was rewarded with a fart of colossal magnitude -- a cross between the sound of someone ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and of plywood being torn off a wall. The sound gradually transitioned into a heavily modulated low-RPM tone, not unlike someone firing up a Harley. I managed to hit resonance frequency of the stall, and it shook gently.


Once my ass cheeks stopped flapping in the breeze, three things became apparent: (1) The next-door conversation had ceased; (2) my colon's continued seizing indicated that there was more to come; and (3) the bathroom was now beset by a horrible, eldritch stench.

It was as if a gateway to Hell had been opened. The foul miasma quickly made its way under the stall and began choking my poop-mate. This initial "herald" fart had ended his conversation in mid-sentence.

"Oh my God," I heard him utter, following it with the suppressed sounds of choking, and then, "No, baby, that wasn't me (cough, gag), you could hear that (gag)??"

Next door I could hear fumbling with the paper dispenser as he desperately tried to finish his task. Little snatches of conversation made themselves heard over my anal symphony: "Gotta go... horrible... throw up... in my mouth.... not... make it... tell the kids... love them... oh God..." followed by more sounds of suppressed gagging and retching.


Alas, it is evidently difficulty to hold one's phone and wipe one's bum at the same time. Just as my high-pressure abuse of the toilet was winding down, I heard a plop and splash from next door, followed by a string of swear words and gags. My poop-mate had dropped his phone into the toilet.

After a considerable amount of paperwork, I got up and surveyed the damage. I felt bad for the janitor who'd be forced to deal with this, but I knew that flushing was not an option. No toilet in the world could handle that unholy mess. Flushing would only lead to a floor flooded with filth.

As I left, I glanced to the next-door stall. Nothing remained in the bowl. Had he flushed his phone, or had he plucked it out and left the bathroom with nasty unwashed hands? The world will never know.

I exited the bathroom, momentarily proud and Shameless, looking around for a face glaring at me. But I saw no one. I suspect that somehow my supernatural elimination has manged to transfer my Shamefulness to my anonymous poop-mate. I think it'll be a long time before he can bring himself to poop in public -- and I doubt he'll ever again answer his cell phone in the loo. And this, my friends, is why you should never talk on your phone in the bathroom.

And now in true Stef style a Drunken Debate What has been your most embarrassing Fart moment ?

Friday, June 29, 2007

You are an assassin.

That means you are a proffessional and do your job without mixing any emotions in it. In your life you have probably been hurt many times and have gotten some mental scars. This results in you being distant from people. Though many think that you are evil, you are not. What you really are is a person, trying to forget your pain and past. You are the person who never seems to care and that is why being an assassin fits you good. Atleast, that's what people think. Even if you don't care that much for your victims, you still have the ability to care and to generally feel. It is not lost, just a little forgotten. In crowds you tend to not get to noticed, and dress in black or other discrete colours. You don't being in the spotlight and wish people would just leave you alone. But once you do get close to someone you have a hard time letting go and get real down if you loose him/her.

Main weapon: Sniper

Quote: "The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy" -Jim Rohn

Facial expression: Narrowed eyes

Friday, June 08, 2007

Advice to all girls out there !

All princes start as frogs and all gentlemen as dogs
Just wait till its plain to see
What we're growing up to be
Cause Some frogs will still be frogs
And Some dogs will still be dogs
Some boys could become men
Just don't kiss us 'til then.

You hate men is what you say and I understand how you feel that way
All girls dream of a fairy tale
But what you've got's like a used car salesman
Trying to conceal what's wrong behind a smile and a song
And I'm not saying that boys are not like that
But I think you should know
That some of us will grow
Because. . .All princes start as frogs and all gentlemen as dogs
Just wait till its plain to see
What we're growing up to be
Cause Some frogs will still be frogs
And Some dogs will still be dogs
And Some boys will become men
Just don't kiss us 'til then.

You found him is what you say
And we all want you to feel that way
But the frog you've got seems cute enough to kiss
And maybe frogs seem like that's all their is
But just because you haven't found your prince yet
Doesn't mean you're still not a princess
And what if if your prince comes riding in
While you're kissin' a frog what's he gonna think then
So look into his eyes
Are you a princess or a fly

All princes start as frogs and all gentlemen as dogs
Just wait till its plain to see
What we're growing up to be
Cause Some frogs will still be frogs
And Some dogs will still be dogs
And Some boys will become men
Just don't kiss us 'til then.

Monday, May 21, 2007


NOTHING 7: The Lawyer Chick !

The Lawyer Chick!

Hmm it's NOTHING time again and this time I am gonna let you in on the anonymous conversations I had with a budding lawyer. We shall refer to her as the Lawyer Chick from here on. Now it all started out well, of course, but as time wore on, it quickly mutated into a cross country joking marathon conducted on the 2nd level of Dante's Inferno. As is well known, Lawyers are the people you need to read the instructions given on the back cover of a board game and they are sorely required if Me and Sri play, and this one was no different. I had to literally come up with the weirdest of jokes to keep the conversation from dying and degenerating into a heap of characters that should have belonged in the recycle bin of her terminal. "I'm not absolutely certain of the facts, but I rather fancy it's Shakespeare who says that it's always just when a fellow is feeling particularly braced with things in general that Fate sneaks up behind him with the bit of lead piping"[1] and this one was one of those moments.

Sample 1:

Lawyer Chick: I would be friends with anyone who comes up with the best line using the words "liver" and "cheese".

Random Guy 1: I love liver and cheese.

Lawyer Chick: Not creative enough.

Random Guy 2: I hate liver and cheese.

Lawyer Chick: Ugh come on guys.

Me: Liver.....cheese mine [2]

Sample 2:

Lawyer Chick: When is your birthday ?

Me: 30th December.

Lawyer Chick: Which year ?

Me: Every year :P.

Sample 3:
Lawyer Chick: wtf is a palindrome.

Me: It's not. [3]

And so after a few mild flirtations I knew it was a choice between packing up and leaving when the going was still good, or stay on and be one of her Jock slaves (I was tempted towards the latter because let's face it she was damn hot. But good sense prevailed and here I am blogging about it.)

[1] This is an all new Spot the Quote contest. Tell me whose the quote from and in return you get a smug smile of being the Mr/Ms Brains.

[2] At this point I hoped she would fall into my arms and I would get the second kiss of my dreary existence but all I got was "You have a good sense of humor".

[3] Copied,this didn't happen.

Monday, May 07, 2007

NOTHING 6: Overheard On Orkut !

NOTHING 6: Overheard On Orkut !
(Yes, we alliterate and write haikus. We're talented.)

Introducing AMI

Don't make fun of NOTHING or it will make fun of you.

Folks today is the NOTHING day and we have special appearances by people who make their voices heard in the comments section so often. So without giving myself any further opportunities to nitpick your brains, allow me to introduce the newest NOTHING cast member: Amiya aka AMI.

Now AMI has been the bread and butter for which I usually write these series and the less I write about her the better it is for my future health. Though I can safely add these details without endangering my box:

1. I sincerely asked she didn't tell me.
2.I groveled I cried still no answer.
3.I promised a chocolate cheese cake ,it melted but she didn't.
4.Now you get the meaning of that pic.

Now you know there is something about the spring weather that gives you that sudden zap in the feet. Romantic and adventurous if you know what I mean I'm not much of a ladies' man but this particular evening I wanted to do something like building the Leaning Tower of Pisa. You know architectural disaster but still something that people from all over the world goto and try and correct it with one hand and a clever photographer(hint) .So with this in mind I initiated this NOTHING.Read on.

AMI: Bleh!!

Me: I do understand in fact let me digress and tell you about the three verb forms of BLEH . They are BLA ... BLU...BLEH

AMI: Wrong! It's BLEH...BLU... BLAH. Minus five to you. [1]

Me: Sarcastic, that is not me.
Maybe I am in the wrong scrap book.
Amiya is hot.

AMI: No no, right scrapbook. Damn right she's hot, I kinda umm... fancy her myself y'know.[2]

Me: Rhythmic pulse beckons.
I am ravenous for your love.
please pass the ketchup.

AMI: That does not rhyme. Appeal disqualified. Next.

Me: Imagination,
Skewed, broken mind.
Wonderful eyes. YOU !

AMI: Content appreciated!! But still does not rhyme, you!

Me: ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha [3]
ha ha ha ha ha

Okay, ha ha ha rhymes. Good, 10 points for that. But minus fifty for zero content.
You're slipping dooood, you're in the red now. Buck up. And...

Why are you laughing?
This little game called life is [4]
Deadly serious.

Me: Those elegant words
Uttered by a true prophet,
Role model, Tupac.

[1]: Blimey ,I knew she always wanted to be a teacher but dang it she starting out early.

[2]:Ahh you see she's excited now,There There go back to sleep now and keep dreaming

: Break in by AMI: Huh, who told you that? Facing the bored blank stupid faces of a zillion kids yawning in front of me is NOT my idea of the perfect profession. OR vocation, for that matter.

The Haiku originates in Japan.There are a lot of opinions as to what makes a haiku, even amongst the Japanese.The most widely accepted rules for the original Japanese haiku are a lot stricter than for other languages, such as English.A lot of contemporary writers are of the opinion that a haiku can be written without adherence to the Japanese rules.Detailed below are, perhaps, the strictest rules for an English language haiku:

Haiku = 3 short verses of poetry that do not rhyme.
Format = 5x
(where x = number of syllables)

Deals with a moment of observation or enlightenment in nature.
Contains a word alluding to a season.
Content is specific.
Has no title.
Western Haikus can deal with any subject under the sun and DO NOT HAVE TO RHYME

[4] : Finally she gets it!

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

You've Got Mail

Ahh many of you would be expecting to have a belly laugh after reading a new nothing but alas this isn't the nothing that we are used ,in fact i am not really sure that this one is a nothing coz its definitely something very close to my heart.As Joe Fox aptly puts it "The odd thing about this form of communication is that you're more likely to talk about nothing than something. But I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings "It's a movie review guys of one of my favourite movies You have got mail ,those four magical words . The film released in 1998 and lots has been said and written about it but at the end of the day its one of those films which ii don't mind watching again and again and yet again .There is something bout this movie ,you know it kinda gives hope to hopeless romantics like me of a fairytale sequence in our mundane dating lives . The movie itself is very predictable but the work done by Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks is so captivating that they bring a surrealistic quality to the predictable "pass each other on the street scene"and then there is the ending scene in the garden with the dog tugging at hanks was just one of those moments when everything just feels perfect (I should know i have my own Brinkley aka Comet).I too sent a mail last year but guess she just want Kathleen.

Here's some trivia i dug up on IMDB :

  • The scene where Joe accidentally closes the door of Kathleen's shop on the balloons was unscripted. Tom Hanks actually did that, and ad libbed the line, "Good thing it wasn't the fish." The director thought it was so funny that she kept it in.

  • Kathleen Kelly's bookstore in the film was based largely on Manhattan's Books of Wonder in Chelsea on 18th St. Meg Ryan worked the counter at Books of Wonder for a day as part of her preparation. Decorative props from the film can still be seen at the store.
One of the most important character in the movie that escapes notice by most people is the city of New York in spring so if any one of you wanna know whats my idea for a perfect date it's not
  • A movie and a coffee evening.
  • A walk on a beach.
  • A dinner date at a fancy restaurant
My perfect date involves a breezy spring afternoon in New York , The Central Park ,A picnic Basket , a bottle of wine and of course not to forget my very own Kathleen Kelly.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

NOTHING : It's back

Me: oohhhh wait for it.......


srirama: legend...
its loser* stoopid

me: extra "o" is for you as it has always been

srirama: oh
I am so hysterical now
anything you say sounds funny
I ultra corny
right now
and say pls
otherwise I wont get it

me: pms[1]

srirama: what?


srirama: fuck you
say pls

me: pms

srirama: no
I want it my way

me: pms

srirama: no book for you

me: pms pms

srirama: no book
no money
ask someone else
sod off
say pls

me: pms

srirama: last chance

me: pms

srirama: last last chance

me: pms

srirama: I am closing my chat window
... [2]

[1] PMS: Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS) (also called Period Mood Swings Stress or Period Mood Swings Tension) is a collection of physical, psychological, and emotional symptoms related to a woman's menstrual cycle. While most women (about 80 to 95 percent) of child-bearing age have some premenstrual symptoms, women with PMS have symptoms of "sufficient severity to interfere with some aspects of life". Further, such symptoms are predictable and occur regularly during the two weeks prior to menses. The symptoms vanish after the bleeding starts. About 14 percent of women between the ages of 20 to 35 get so affected that they must stay home from school or work.

[2] : .01 .02 .03 .04 .05 .06 .07 .08 .09 .....only person i know who cannot count to zero but has counted to infinity twice.

I Ran Into An Old Girlfriend :)

Credit :

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Why should Girls date Geeks

DISCLAIMOR :I am not a G33K but you could still date me :D

By Mikki Halpin and Victoria Maat

So, your crush on the bass player from Vibrating Sandbox has finally died a whimpering death and you're wondering where to go from here. All the sinister dudes are either dating a series of interchangeable high-school riot girls in baby doll dresses and an overdose of manic panic, or permanently shacked up with some bitter old lady who pays all the bills. Which will it be, a wifely prison or a humiliating one night stand? Into this void of potential mates comes a man you may not have considered before, a man of substance, quietude and stability, a cerebral creature with a culture all his own. In short, a geek.

Why Geek Dudes Rule

They are generally available.
Other women will tend not to steal them.
They can fix things.
Your parents will love them.
They're smart.

Where The Geek Dude Lurks

While they are often into alternative music, geek dudes tend not to go to shows too often. Instead you'll find them hanging out with their friends, discussing the latest hardware revolution or perfecting their Bill Gates impressions. You know how some people wear t-shirts with their favorite bands on them, thus showing that they went to certain shows? Well, geek dudes wear t-shirts with the logos of different software companies on them, thus showing that they are up on the latest, um, releases. A small, though convivial, rivalry may be detected here amongst the geek dudes. Try wearing one yourself and see if he strikes up a conversation. Of course the best way to meet a geek dude is through the Internet. All geeks harbor a secret fantasy about meeting some girl in cyberspace, carrying on an e-mail romance in which he has the chance to combine an activity he is comfortable with, computing, with one he is very uncomfortable with, socializing. To many geek dudes, cyberdating is just an advanced form of some kind of video game, but they are frustrated by a lack of players. Their lack is your strength.


You might notice that these men harbor some strange ideas about how the world works and some particularly strange ideas about women. There is a reason for this. Because they've had limited interpersonal experience, geek dudes must look elsewhere for behavior models. Lacking a real world social milieu, geeks often go through a transference stage with
such narratives, and try to model their interactions on them. Thus, certain media images and themes come to have an overly cathected, metaphorized reality to them, while the rest of us view such programming as mere entertainment. Case in point, our next topic...

The Trek factor

If you're not up on your Star Trek, you can forget about getting or keeping a geek dude. And I'm not just talking vintage-era Captain Kirk and Spock either. You've got to be up on your The Next Generation, your Deep Space Nine, your Babylon 5. Armed with your own knowledge of Federation policies, you can better gauge when and how to act. The sexual politics of Star Trek are pretty blunt: the men run the technology and the ship, and the women are caretakers (a doctor and a counselor). Note the sexual tensions on the bridge of the Enterprise: the women, in skin tight uniforms, and with luxuriant, flowing hair. The men, often balding, and sporting some sort of permanently attached computer auxiliary.
This world metaphorizes the fantasies of the geek dude, who sees himself in the geeky - but - heroic male officers and who secretly desires a sexy, smart, Deanna or Bev to come along and deferentially accept him for who he is. If you are willing to accept that this is his starting point for reality, you are ready for a geek relationship.

Once You've Nabbed Him

Of course, catching that geek guy is only half the battle. Keeping him by your side is another story altogether. I was privileged to speak with Miss Victoria Maat, who not only got herself a geek guy but was also clever enough to marry him just a few short months ago. She interrupted her newlywed bliss to give us a few tips on the care and feeding of a geek man: Geeks are sensitive and caring lovers and husbands. If you can hang with the techno-lifestyle, they make the best mates. They are the most attractive people, not flashy or hunky, but the kind who get cuter and more alluring over time (I told you she was a newlywed). Definitely give geeks a chance.

Geek Cuisine

Geeks tend towards packaged, junk foods since they prefer to work and think and aren't all that into cooking for themselves. Make sure that your geek understands that you are not merely a replicator, and provide him with home cooked food. A batch of chocolate chip cookies will let him know that you love him. You do have to monitor your geek for weight gain; however, remember that most of their days are spent sitting and staring at a monitor.

Geek Lifestyle

The geek dude has long work habits and tends to bring his work home with him. He seems permanently connected to his hard disk. You must at least appear interested in his work. Generally, a solid understanding of the computer is a must; if you cannot master this, you should at least be able to talk the talk. Remember most geeks are anal and they get stressed about details which appear insignificant. Be understanding, put on your best Deanna Troi face (see above) and empathize. To relax, geeks love to play the latest computer games. Let him play Myst or Chuck Yeager's Air Combat for hours if he
wants to. Act concerned if he's stuck or has just been ambushed by three MiGs. My geek loves to try to help people on the Internet who say that they are stuck in Myst. He comes up with clever riddles instead of directing them point blank. Geeks also like to go to sci-fi and Japanese animated movies, again, a basically harmless vent for your man.

Geek Buddies

Many geeks extend their work friendships into what they jokingly refer to as RL (Real Life, also known as "that big room with the ceiling that is sometimes blue and sometimes black with little lights"). The greatest thing about your geek's buddies is that you can feel secure in setting them up with your girlfriends. They may feel awkward around females at first, so don't overwhelm them. In time they will come out of their shell and realize that you are into the same things they are.

Post-It Note

I thank Victoria for the above advice. I must say that when she read my draft of the piece, before writing her section, she asked her husband which one he thought she was more like, Deanna or Beverly. Howard, the devil, immediately replied that he had always thought Victoria was actually most like Ensign Ro Laren, a cute character with a slight authority
problem who is always had trouble (this is fairly apt). This exchange is interesting for several reasons:

1.Howard had already thought about who she was most like.
2.He could summon up characters from seasons past with ease.
3.Victoria actually knew who he meant.
4.Folks, I think this marriage will last.

One Last Thing

Because they have been so abused and ignored by society, many geeks have gone underground. You may actually know some and just haven't noticed them. They often feel resentful, and misunderstood, and it is important to realize this as you grow closer to them. Don't ever try to force the issue, or make crazy demands that he choose between his computer and you. Remember, his computer has been there for him his whole life; you are a new interloper he hasn't quite grasped yet Geek dudes thrive on mystery and love challenges and intellectual puzzles. Don't you consider yourself one? Wouldn't you
like a little intellectual stimulation or your own? We thought so.