Monday, January 14, 2008

An Open letter to my Dog

I know I have been MIA for quite some time but life's been a busy b***h and I have been having too much fun to come back and post here, which doesn't mean that the fun has ended now, it's just that I love you guys too much to let you stay in peace for more than 20 days or so. So without much ado I present to "An Open letter to my Dog".

Dear Dog

It's me The Blog Owner, now although you rarely read this blog and may not be able to recognize who this is, let me jog your memory. Everyday at 6:30 AM when all the world is asleep in their warm and cozy rooms and it's like freezing out there, I take you out for Potty.

Ok now wipe that self satiating smile of your face, in future try to do your stuff a lil faster so I can get in a few minutes of extra sleep. You see I have been working on a lot of BPR [1] Projects lately and thought that may you could do with a simple algorithm for pooping:

STEP 1: Wake me up, you do not need to lick my feet or my face at this step. I repeat no licking just a low barking sound will do.

STEP2: When I try to put the Red Leash on, that's exactly what I am doing, I am not playing fetch the ball or some such thing( Why would I effing want to play fetch at 6:30 in the morning !)
So behave and let me put it on.

STEP 3: At this point we go out and you take a poop. Now as my BPR acumen tells me this is the most time consuming step in the whole process and needs re-engineering ( if it was some other project we could have done with some ICT [2] initiatives but no this is you ). So I would just say take a poop already and you would obey.

STEP 4: On our way back we don't need to play " who walked by here " by smelling every vertical surface around. I repeat out Objective of Potty is over and now we shall retreat to our warm and cozy room. Do you copy Dear Dog ?

Ok now that we have gotten that issue out of the way, it brings me to another incident:

Stop hitting on Girls that I like ok! I can't believe that I am just left standing there while you become the center of attraction of a group of girls. You are supposed to be my wing (well sorta) so quit ruining my game.

And now for the reason that you shall obey whatever has been said herein you see I have opposable thumbs. This is why I get to be in charge. I can open cans, doors, and bags of treats. . I'm also the only one with a driver's license and a car. I win. Being cute is no match for opposable thumbs.

While I in no way wish to suppress your rightful dogginess, I feel that these very simple guidelines will allow us to continue to co-exist in peaceful harmony.

Much thanks,

The Blog Owner

[1] BPR : Business Process Re-engineering

[2] ICT : Information and Communication Technology


Amiya said...

Hilarious!! Somehow it makes me like your doggy more and find him even cuter. You see opposable thumbs are all fine but cute is still what gets the chicks. So let the poor guy be and sniff and take his time doing his stuff!

Agent Agony said...

hmmm, funny stuff. love the new template. kahan se maari?